The Bride and the Journalist

Sometimes life hands you lemons, and then you pull out the good vodka from the freezer and make yourself a real strong lemonade cocktail.

The ha-ha ironic thing is that I was planning to write a blog post this week about how we originally set out to throw a classic-style wedding for 150 people in Brooklyn for only $10,000, but how that’s not entirely realistic, and thanks to my almost in-laws swooping in, we were probably looking at spending double that, and that even with budget considerations, it’s practically impossible to do the whole shebang for less than 10 grand, etc. etc.

But lo. Life happens. People have Major Unexpected Expenses & Events – job loss, health problems, legal troubles, economic meltdown, rent increases, vet bills for the diseased pet iguana, flood damage, etc. etc. And suddenly, because you don’t want anyone to have a heart attack or go into major debt as a result of paying for a wedding, your budget is, shall we say, drastically reduced. Halved, even. Maybe quartered. Two and half months before your wedding.

So what. Do. You. Do. (more…)

There. I said it.

I’ve reached the stage of wedding planning when I have to force myself to get all zen sometimes in order to not become an uber stressball of stress. Like this weird girl.

So anyway, I’ve Realized Some Things about wedding planning that I will share with all of you fine fine readers.

Sometimes, as noted above, wedding mags have sound advice. DON’T GET ME WRONG. A lot of the advice is based on getting you to buy into the whole wedding image thing and spend oodles of money. But there are things that are helpful.

Case in point: Choose one day a week to not discuss wedding plans AT ALL with your fiance/mom/friends/co-workers/those people on the subway who really didn’t ask. I read this tip over and over and rolled my eyes, thinking Oh Lord if I get to the point where I need to make a concerted effort to not talk about my wedding, just roll me in taffeta and kick me.

Oh, you smug, smug past self. Little did you know.

Ladies, it really is true. You need to shut off the wedding chatter sometimes. Even to your bridesmaids, who (if they are awesome amazeballs bridesmaids like mine are) will swear up and down with their right hand on the latest copy of Brides that they WANT to hear more about your thoughts on fingertip veil length versus chapel length but are politely lying.

So the rule of thumb for bridal mag advice, I’ve determined – SCIENTIFICALLY – is that if the advice is about relationships, maintaining your sanity, having fun, etc. you may be able to believe it. If the advice somehow ends up with extra $$$ tacked onto your to-do list, you may view it skeptically. It’s probably crappy.

That said, stay tuned for my next post, which is all about dollar bills, y’all. Im’a get real real about budgets and shiz, because I feel like even on cool and helpful blogs, it isn’t discussed as frankly as it could be, and we’re all here to help one another have sane and affordable and awesome weddings, right? Right. So I’m going to break some things down when it’s not 1:10 a.m. on a weeknight.

Dear mom readers: I’d like to introduce you to a pair of people. These people are Timothy and Lydia Lee, and they are wonderful wonderful people who are going to be photographing my wedding.

They are responsible for photos like this one:

Timothy Lee Photographers

I mean, come on. Seriously. Tim and Lydia are an amazing photographic duo, for several reasons. First of all, in the interest of openness and the sharing of the budget tips and the spreading of the advice, let me say that I am helping Tim and Lydia delve into the realm of social media and the Interwebs, and in return they have given me a generous discount on our photography package. (Some of you may recall that I also snagged our reception venue, The Green Building, for “free,” AKA by the sweat of my brow and the stress of my keyboard.)

The point that I want to make clear, however, is that I fell in love with Tim and Lydia’s photos instantly, and I was super impressed by their professionalism, balanced perfectly with genuine friendliness and interest in learning about me, my fiance and what we have planned for our wedding. I also found their pricing completely reasonable, and was enthralled by their methods of shooting in digital, black and white film, color square film and color panoramic film.

What also impressed me is their commitment to their craft. When I mentioned that I was on a budget and asked if they ever offer discounted packages if we didn’t, say, include the finished album, just the negatives, Tim said that they really feel strongly about providing a whole package to a couple and aren’t comfortable cutting corners. They don’t want to photograph only the cocktail hour or skimp on the gorgeous albums they custom-make for each couple. But right on the spot, he said that what they may be able to do is work within my budget anyway, taking into account that it’s not in the prime time (May – October) of wedding season. I was touched.

(more…)

Photo from NYC Faces blog, makeup by Anni Bruno. Hair by Diana Conte with Bumble & Bumble. Photography by Meredith Davenport for Christian Oth Studio.

The other day my dear fiance Tim had a small and completely justified freak-out over wedding anxiety – not marriage anxiety, mind you, but just the stress of planning the wedding. It started with the most adorable and lovely compliment to me, the kind he gives with complete sincerity as if they are the most obvious statements in the world. I met up with him and some friends for drinks after getting a “test run” of my wedding day makeup (by the fabulous and fun Anni Bruno of NYC Faces – she is very skilled and priced accordingly, but personally I think she’s worth the splurge). I asked him, do you like my makeup? Do I look pretty?

“Yes, you look great,” he said. “I do like it. But…”

I jumped right on that but, of course. “But what??”

“No, I love it, it’s just that…I’m not marrying makeup or a dress or a day, I’m marrying you. And you always look beautiful.”

After I recovered from swooning, we talked about how there is a lot of build up and hoopla, and it can get stressful for sure. We talked about how some of the aspects of the day are ridiculous and how we honestly just can’t wait to be married to each other. I assured him that I would love nothing more than a simple white gold wedding band to complement the gorgeous and meaningful engagement ring he had given me, and that I care much more about the after-effects of the wedding, in the long run, than what type and color napkins we have. (more…)

And now, a supposedly funny story that may or may not make you laugh, but will hopefully distract you from the wedding-mania that has now consumed your brain and makes you think far too often about appropriate veil lengths and whether or not customized drink stirrers from Etsy would be worth the small splurge or just cheesy:

Setting: Our apartment

Time: Sometime during our engagement – post-initial frenzied excitement and pre-serious biz planning time.

Megan and Tim are lazing on their bed, reading, and Megan closes her copy of Brides magazine a Chuck Palanhiuk novel and turns to Tim.

Megan: I want to talk about wedding bands.

Tim: OK.

(more…)

So recently I’ve been all “not blogging,” and I realized that it’s really a symptom of “not wanting to deal with wedding planning stress.” At first, I reasoned that my temporary aversion to writing new posts was due to the fact that I write all day for a living. I’m a professional journalist, y’all. Sometimes, after spending my days chronicling the newsy goings-on of the Upper East and West Sides of Manhattan, all I want to do is retreat to Brooklyn and engage in some moderate Bud Light Lime drinking and heavy consumption of Bones reruns.

Then I started to develop wedding planning aversion. I got sick of seeing Brides magazine gracing my mailbox and constantly searching for THE most fabulous/innovative/laid-back/original while still adhering to tradition/creative/inexpensive/classy way to arrange peonies into a glorious crown of beauty. Every tweet, Facebook ad, email, and mailing has been labeling me a “bride,” which I’m down with and all, but really, you’re a bride for only one day. I’m also a writer, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a sometime theatre producer, a social media consultant and a person who enjoys huevos rancheros and unlimited brunch cocktails. And being a bride is really a selfish sort of title, implying all the things that make a lady “bridal” – a white dress, a veil, an obsession with miniature food and flower arrangements, qualities similar to an angry dinosaur. These are different from the qualities that make one a supportive partner/fiance/future wife, like caring about another person’s problems and not spending all one’s mental energy on deciding what shade of green eyeshadow goes with ecru.

That said, I like bridal things as much as the next gal, and I also know that this time will soon be ever and I will never (hopefully) get to be a bride again, so I might as well embrace and enjoy it. I think that I’ve been a little remiss here because I’m nervous about it all coming together, and I’ve also caved on some “principles” I set out to stick to (see: this post), which makes me feel…oh yeah, basically like every other person who has ever gotten married. So let’s all be bridezillas together, shall we??! Bouquet toss!!! (I just made that an Internet thing. Deal with it.)

Oh. Dear. Lord. People – our wedding is less than six months away, and I had a freak out this morning about all that hasn’t been done yet, and even more so about how we’re going to finagle paying for it all. To make a long and ugly story short, I realized (AKA Tim told me, nicely) that I need to calm the f*ck down.

Here is a list of what we don’t have done/booked yet:

- Caterer
- Alcohol
- Tables/chairs
- Hair/makeup
- Veil, shoes, fancy underthings
- Transportation, for us and for guests
- Music
- Rehearsal dinner
- Pre-marriage counseling (required by our church)
- Wedding rings
- Tim’s suit
- Groomsmen’s suits
- Flowers
- Invitations

So a lot. But here’s the list of what we do have booked/arranged:

- Church
- Reception venue
- My dress
- Bridesmaids dresses
- Hotel for wedding night
- Honeymoon (holler!)
- Registry
- Photographer

And what is that other thing I already have taken care of…? Oh yeah – future husband. That guy.

So I need to relax. At this point, I am very seriously considering getting our wedding catered by a (fancy, upscale, organic, locally sourced, delicious) hot dog/burger place. I’m thinking, who wouldn’t want BBQ pork sliders and craft beer? Foolish or genius? I might not even care…

LMK if I’m crazy, folks, but also, could use some encouraging words along the lines of “Oh hey, I planned my wedding in 4 and a half days and paid for it by selling lemonade off my stoop, no worries!” or something like that.

Seriously, y’all. This shiz is funny. Here are 6 reasons why it’s worth the $13 for a movie ticket to see Bridesmaids:

1. It’s refreshing to see a movie written by women, about women, starring women, and not focused exclusively on a romantic relationship. The movie really centers on the friendship between two women. Sure, there are romantic elements, but in the end it’s a story about BFFs. And that’s cool.
2. Kristen Wiig (star/writer/co-producer) is amazeballs. Her character is hip, sarcastic, and normal-seeming. She comes across as a real person who would want to get margaritas with. She says f*ck too much. She freaks out. She and Maya Rudolph are fantastic as the best friends at the center of the film.
3. Jon Hamm. Shirtless.
4. It realistically portrays the invariably awkward situation most bridesmaids are thrown into – they have to become fast friends with each other when really the only thing they have in common is their connection to the bride. Sometimes this forges awesome bonds. Sometimes it forges catfights. You never can tell, ladies!
5. Just when you think a joke is finished, it gets revived for 12 more rounds. And it’s still funny.
6. It serves as a reminder – all the things you, as a bride-to-be, are obsessing about right now are simply comedic fodder for the rest of the world. This is crucial to keep in mind. If something goes horribly awry at your wedding (Your hairdresser melts your bangs off! The flowers are infested with parasites! Uncle Gary threw out his back while doing the Macarena! The DJ played the Macarena!) you can just laugh it off and then write a screenplay about it.

Well folks, I’ve reached a wedding planning milestone: I’m now embracing something I previously denounced as stupid. That thing is a honeymoon registry.

Previously, I’d thought them tacky and gauche, akin to engraving “cash gifts only” on invites. I was all, I might not do a registry at ALL! The audacity of telling people what to buy for us! The sheer audacity!

Then I saw that a young (and similarly broke) couple I know is registering for their honeymoon, and my first thought was, good idea. They are also registering at a store and giving people options. OK, I thought. This is reasonable.

My mom, a travel agent, has been championing a honeymoon registry since the start (“But, honey, where exactly would you put all those gifts in your very small apartment?”) and she’s a reasonable person. My cousin/bridesmaid/newly engaged lady thinks it’s splendid. Plus, we want to go to Puerto Rico. And we don’t have a lot of dollar bills, y’all.

So I’m embracing my hypocrisy, well aware it’s not going to be the only thing I cave on. And that’s OK. I can worry a little bit less about what everyone will think. For the record, I still find it in poor taste to straight up ask for cash. True, a honeymoon registry technically just collects money and then gives it to you, but I feel pretty secure we’ll use the money for exactly what it’s earmarked for. Cause otherwise, we’re eating romantic dinners of PB&J on that sunset deck! I kid. Sort of.

I DO still think it’s a good idea to do a traditional registry as well, in case dear Aunt Mildred (Has that baby name come back in vogue with uber hip Tribeca parents yet? Because Edith already has. Just checking.) is insistent on buying you a casserole dish.

Next step: making a not-horrible wedding website. And not calling it a wedsite.

Not the hilarious but ultimately disturbing film starring Vince Vaughn. (Rape is funny when women do it to men!) Brooklyn Based is hosting a kick-ass wedding fair (full disclosure: I’ve been writing kick-ass vendor profiles for them, which has only further convinced me of the kick-assed-ness of the entire event) called Wedding Crashers, tomorrow at The Bell House from 11am – 4pm. Tix are $25/person, $40/couple in advance ($30/$50 at the door), and include entrance to the after party at The Green Building (where we’re having our wedding!). You can go to the 4 – 7pm after party separately, too, for $15.

I’m really excited to go eat a lot of free cake samples, but I’m nervous too. Serious No F*cking Around Wedding Planning Time is upon us, and I’m realizing that some of the convictions I’ve been holding as far as priorities are in danger of wavering. For example, we’ve been all set for months to DIY our music, due to a desire to dictate the entire playlist and save boatloads of cash by avoiding a band or DJ. But a few weeks ago, The Green Building hosted a little fun showcase event, and I danced to the subtly remixed tunes the DJ spun while sipping Portuguese white wine and snatching mini beef sliders and tuna tartare on impossibly thin crackers from the well-dressed waitstaff, gazing at the gorgeous centerpiece the florist had crafted, and I thought, Hmmm. This is nice. Maybe we can afford passed appetizers… and a florist… and a DJ… oooh and a lighting designer who can make us a custom gobo! Damn it.

I get that wedding fairs are designed to get couples to sign up with vendors. I get that one should attend such events with an open mind and a hand clamped firmly over one’s checkbook, prying it lose only after careful, unemotional and sober consideration. The problem is, of course, that they are held in sumptuous luxury, that you are plied with free champagne and delectable treats and an air of “you too can have this effortlessly chic and classy type of affair at your very own wedding!” It’s all quite tempting and fun.

Obviously no one is in the business of showing you how you can stretch your pennies and throw a glam and fun wedding for next to nothing. I get that. Florists are not in the business of convincing you that you can do their jobs yourself, and caterers aren’t going to agree that spending $20/person for passed miniature versions of regular food is hardly worth it.

The thing is, I get it. If we had unlimited funds, or even slightly less limited funds, it would be hard to pass up all the expensive extras – custom lighting, specialty cocktails, exotic floral arrangements, all the stuff that wedding mags refer to as “wow factor.” So I have to admit, although of course it’s not like I have a choice, that I’m glad we are on a tight budget (with generous help from some family members, but still tight when throwing a Saturday evening wedding in Brooklyn for 150 people). Having a budget really forces you to be creative and to make conscious choices about where you want to put your money. I’m looking forward to Wedding Crashers, but mostly for the free cake. Hopefully I’ll get some ideas that I can then scale back, coral friends into doing and/or modify in some less expensive fashion. Already I’ve roped my amazing friend Ashlee into making me a version of this gorgeous but slightly pricey at $130 hair piece:

So I’m well on my way to a fancy-pants wedding at a normal-pants price. I’ll let everybody know how I survive the wedding fair.